If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
