You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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