I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
