Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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