We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
