It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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