Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
