period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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