A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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