So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize