He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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