I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
