I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Randomize
