It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
