you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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