Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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