dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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