is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
