i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
