My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
