did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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