Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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