Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
