just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
