I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
