Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
