i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
