I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
