Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
