true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
