Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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