okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
