Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
