I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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