you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I didn't notice because vodka
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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