susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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