The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
