Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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