Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
