you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize