she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
