1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
