I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
