How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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