youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think my vagina is haunted
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
