Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We're too hungover to prance.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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