Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
A+ Viking dick
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
