Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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