4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
