Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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