I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
