i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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