just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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