If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
