I'm drive I can fine osifer
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
