They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
