I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
