I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She bit a glass in half.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
