You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
