SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
