Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
