from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
