i think i have two assholes
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
