I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
