Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize