pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
