I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
