I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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