My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
