after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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