I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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